Here are 10 things you should never feel compelled to change about yourself in a relationship.
Doing what you love fuels your relationship. Your partner should accept you along with the other great loves of your life. There are some things you should never feel compelled to change about yourself.
When you are in love, it’s easy to get carried away and forget yourself – sometimes to the extent that we start to change too much for our significant other. But there are some things that we should never change for a partner. While compromise is crucial for any relationship to sustain, you won’t feel the need to change if your love is true. It’s all about finding a partner who accepts and loves you just the way you are. It may so happen that your partner is not keen on a few things you do, but if he’s in it for real, he will make an effort to at least understand and adjust accordingly. Here are five things you should never feel compelled to change about yourself:
Core values and beliefs
As you grow up, you must’ve acquired many values. Giving up on your core values means you are challenging your entire belief system. You should never compromise on what you believe in. It may build resentment in the relationship as you may feel your partner’s beliefs don’t match yours. If you want to be accepted or loved by someone, changing your values is not the way to go about it. Relationships are about being honest and transparent with your partner.
Your connection with family and friends.
No one comes from a perfect family, but family has been there, at least for a part of your life. Even if you don’t have the best relationship with your family, they still play a role in who you are and you can’t toss them to the side just because of a relationship. Same goes for friends, who have been there when you weren’t in this relationship. If you fall for someone who wants to pull you away from the people in your life, don’t let him/her. You can have a perfectly healthy relationship with your family and friends still in the picture.
You can’t say goodbye to the ones you love or the ones who raised you just because of someone else’s wishes or insecurities.
Your interests and hobbies
Obviously you shouldn’t feel pressured to drop all of your interests and adopt new ones when you get into a relationship. But it’s only natural that the more time you spend with someone, the more invested you could reasonably become in the stuff that person likes. Hold on to your previous hobbies, but be willing to explore the things that appeal to your partner. You might just discover new books/shows/movies/sports/whatever that you absolutely love.
Your professional drive and career goals
Love is awesome, but it doesn’t pay the bills. Even if your significant other is wealthy, you don’t want to be dependent on him financially. Be sure to remain invested in your own career and continue working towards the goals you set when you were single. Whether the relationship works out or not, you’ll always be thankful for the ability to stand on your own two feet.
Your body and appearance
If you have a personal desire to alter your body or looks, by all means, go for it. But there is no reason for someone else to influence you to change your body. We all desire a great shape, but not at the cost of a loving relationship. If someone is so narrow-minded that they want you only for your looks, it shows how little investment they have in the relationship. If you are genuinely loved and wanted by someone, your body should be the last thing they are concerned about.
We all have emotions (some that we don’t like to admit). But when you get into a relationship with someone, all your emotions come out. Your anger. Your frustration. You’re uncanny ability to laugh at the worst moments. The ease at which you burst into tears when you feel overwhelmed. Some emotions are reasonable, and yes, some might be a little crazy. But we’re all wired differently and you can’t apologize for what you feel or how you act. Don’t try to shut yourself off just to please your significant other or to keep the peace.
You were meant to feel things, and feel them deeply. Your emotions are, and always will be, a part of you.
When you’re in a relationship—especially a long-term relationship—you might find that you start taking care of your body in a different way. Maybe you stop smoking, or start exercising more, or start eating better. Those are all inherently good things. When you sign up to be with someone, especially in a long-term way, your health affects that person’s life and vice versa. So why not try to take better care of yourself?
Passions and goals
Everyone is passionate about something. A relationship should not alter your priorities completely. Sure, you should consider your partner’s passions too, but don’t forget your own desires. We all set goals in life, and nothing should stop us from achieving them. In an ideal relationship, your partner should encourage and support your hobbies and passions. While you both may share a few dreams and visions together for the future, it is important that you have a vision of your own.
Maybe you hum in the shower or bite the tips of your pencils. Maybe you love being barefoot or always dance in the kitchen while making dinner. You have these little things that make you, you. And you shouldn’t try to change those for someone else. The right person will see those little quirks, those little strange things, those little flaws as special, as a part of you that they won’t trade for the world.
Remember that love is about embracing who you are, who the person you love is, and who the both of you are when you’re together. Remember that in true love, you shouldn’t have.
The way you argue
Any relationship is bound to have disagreements, and you may find that the ways in which you’ve solved conflicts in the past simply don’t work in your current relationship. For example, what if you’re hot tempered and direct, but your partner shuts down at the first sign of a confrontation? You’ll both have to figure out how to approach arguments in a healthy way. (Are you starting to notice that a lot of what haters would call “changing who you are for someone else” is really just “having the ability to compromise and adjust in order to make a relationship work”? Yeah, that’s not a coincidence.)
Paul Ejike Ugwu AKA Paul White is a computer science student at the National Open University of Nigeria (NOUN). I love living in the moment, webdesign and programming are his passion. He can spend a whole day looking for good information online and sharing his view on various topics.