It’s easier to sabotage a relationship than to make one work because when we blame someone for our mistakes, we remove our responsibility to change. Sometimes we sabotage a connection with someone without intending to because we are not aware of it happening in first place. And other times we do it because we are afraid that we are not good enough or that we will not be loved for who we are. It feels better to tell someone that they are the problem than to look ourselves in the mirror and admit that we are broken. And it’s more fulfilling to devote our energy to making someone else happy instead of ourselves.
There are many things that we do on a daily basis that eventually become a part of who we are, they become our attitude, and they become our personality. It is not a big deal when it comes to positive traits or good habits, but it is alarming when we take on negative habits because in one way or another, they shape the quality of our life. Here are some qualities that you need to look out for.
15. Way To Impatient For A Partner
Being impatient can be the downfall of your relationship. You need to be understanding of your partner’s shortcomings just like you need to have faith in who they are as a person. Everything in life takes its course, and everyone has their own process that they go through to get to where they need to go. Being impatient makes you incapable of appreciating that differences between you and your partner. It also makes you incapable of loving them the way that they need, and to give them the support that they want instead of the one that you think they want. Sometimes, by being impatient, you sabotage the future of your relationship because you don’t allow things to grow at their pace, you force them instead. And relationships are not about force, they are about freedom. Have more patience with your partner and most importantly, with yourself. Just like you can be hard on your partner, you can be hard on yourself.
14. Your Standards Are So High You’re Driving Everyone Away
Being stingy is one of the worst qualities anyone could have because it’s the opposite of giving. To be stingy means to keep the best parts of you hidden from your partner. And it means that you don’t want them to have the best parts of life either. Some people are stingy with their wallets and don’t even want to spend money on themselves. They choose to live at a low quality of life than to live the best life they can have. There are people who are stingy with their time. They don’t like to share some of their free time with their loved ones because they would rather to spend time alone. And there are people who are stingy with their heart. They are the ones who never want to give their heart to someone, they never want to let someone in. Don’t be stingy in your relationship that you don’t leave room for your partner to love you and take care of you.
13. Your Beyond Controlling Of All Your Partners
Control is the opposite of love. When you love someone, you give them room to be themselves. You make them feel safe and you support them regardless. To control someone is to shy away from love. Because control is about using power over the other person not to share it with them. Being controlling means being abusive and not loving. Being controlling means putting your partner in the dark and making them miserable. If you want your relationship to work, you need to have faith in your partner and in yourself that when things don’t go as planned, you will figure something out together. You need to have respect for who they are as a person just like you value their feelings, thoughts an beliefs. Because when you are being controlling, you are denying your partner their basic right of expressing themselves. If you are not going to love someone for who they are, you might as well not love them at all.
12. You’ve Either Been Caught Or Have Thought About Cheating
No relationship can work if the other person is not faithful. It does not matter how long you have been together and how much you have been through. Trust is one the basic bricks of building a lasting relationship. When you or your partner can’t trust each other, your relationship becomes a place of doubts instead of assurance. If your partner doesn’t trust you, they don’t trust what they see in you and they begin to question themselves as a person, too. If your partner can’t trust your intentions for them, your actions and words, then they don’t feel safe with you. Being unfaithful in your relationship means that you are being untrue to who you are. When you are not being transparent in your relationship, a huge part of you disappears because you start to feel as if you are living someone else’s life. And that’s when not only your relationship with your partner fails, but the one that you have with yourself.
11. You Never Let Anything Go And Always Hold Grudges
If you want any relationship to succeed in your life, you need to learn how to forgive yourself and others. There’s a difference between ignoring it happened and forgetting that it happened. When you ignore it, you dismiss the impact it has on you but when you forget it, you remove its power over you. To forgive means to let yourself live a life free of regrets and unhealed wounds. You can forgive someone and not want them in your life which is okay. But, when you are in a relationship, you will get to learn how to forgive your partner when they hurt you unintentionally. And how to address it with them when they hurt you on purpose. There are always limits and standards that you should not bend for anyone. And if you ever find yourself in a relationship where you feel like you can’t let go of what happened, then maybe you need to reconsider the future of that relationship. Because it’s better to leave than to stay and make it a living hell for yourself and your partner.
10. You’re So Judgmental None Of Your Partners Feel Safe Around You
Being critical of your partner means that when you look at them, you think of the things that they are missing and what needs to be fixed instead of just admiring them for who they are. Being critical of how they do things means that you have a closed mind because you assume that your way is the only way to things. To judge your partner is to misunderstand them. It’s easier to judge someone for something they did or didn’t do than to have an adult conversation with them. If you want your relationship to work, you need to put the effort to make it work. You need to become a better person in general because being in a relationship means sharing, caring and risking. And when all you do is judge your partner, you leave no room for you to be with them, you leave no room for you to love them the way they love you.
9. You Don’t Let Anyone Close To You
You cannot have a healthy, lasting relationship when you are shutting off your partner from you. To be in a relationship means to be vulnerable. You need to be honest the things that you need and want in your relationship. You need to open-up to your partner about how you feel about your relationship, where you stand and what you think needs more work. Successful relationships are about progression. It doesn’t matter how slow or fast you are moving as long as you are moving in the same direct at a similar pace. Talk to your partner about your day, your childhood and hopes for the future. Open-up to them about things you feel are difficult to talk about. Let them see you at your best and at your worst because a relationship can only last when it’s real, authentic and strong. And when your partner knows you for you, you’ve got everything you need.
8. You’re Careless In Your Relationships
To be careless in your relationship means that you don’t value your relationship enough to care for it. A lot of us fall guilty for being careless because we don’t think of it as a deal break while in fact, it is a red flag. If you don’t care about the little things that concern your partner like how their day was and what they ate for lunch that day, then what would make you care for the big things that happen in their life like a death in the family or a health issue. To care, means to care about the little like you care about the big. To be careless about things that you think are small, means that you disregard your partner’s feelings and where they are coming from. And it’s not just about that. It’s also about being responsible. Being responsible for the things you need to take care of in your relationship like paying the bill, being their for your partner and support system, and doing something when things go wrong. To be careless means to be half there instead of being fully present.
7. You Don’t Think You You’re Good Enough
You get to be weak, fragile and incapable some of the time not all of the time. Successful relationships are about maintaining balance. You and your partner need to learn which hat to wear at which occasion. You need to be each other’s rock and safety net at the same time. When your partner is going through a lot and they can’t fight anymore, that’s when you come in. You let them see the bright side to life and you remind them of their worth and the long road they have come so far. And when you are having your share, they are there for you every step of the way. That’s what a healthy relationship is about, you get to be weak and strong at different times. But, if you are the one who’s weak all of the time, you harm yourself in the sense that you become mentally weak and emotionally reliant on your partner for everything that you don’t let yourself be your own person.
6. Being A Coward
Being a coward is not a good quality for any relationship because it drives you away from your responsibilities. You need to set a good example for your partner to aspire to. Being brave means that you stand-up for yourself and for your partner. It means that you support your partner a 100% and you don’t leave their side when things get tough. To be brave means that you risk standing alone than standing with everyone else without your partner because you know your priorities. To be brave is to call your family or friends out when they do your partner wrong. It means that you demand those who matter to you to respect and value your partner like you do instead of being scared of confrontation. Being a coward on the other hand, means that you care more for what others think about you than what your own partner does. And that you would rather please those who don’t matter than making the one person who matters the most happy.
5. You Forget The Important Things
Being forgetful is a horrible quality to have because it only goes to show that you are too selfish to care about anyone or anything else other than yourself. To forget to do things that your partner asks of you is like you are telling them that what they want you to do is not important. And that you don’t want to work together around the house or even outside. To forget about things that matter to your partner is like you are telling them that they themselves don’t matter. Forgetting about their birthday, that important project they worked so hard on or even going on that date that they’ve been planning for days and are just so excited for. Forgetting in general is not a good thing mind you not forgetting about the things that we need to pay attention to, that we need to take care of on a regular basis. You only forget about the things that are insignificant to you.
4. You’re Way Too Harsh To Your Partners
Being unkind is without doubt one of the most poisonous qualities anyone could have because a relationship is built with love and compassion. If you want your relationship to be one of a kind, then you need to be kind at all times. When your partner is being difficult, rude or disrespectful, you are kind because you know that kindness always wins. And you know that being hurt by your partner is not a valid excuse to hurt them back. When your partner is being mean to others, that’s when you remind them to be kind and respectful. When you are being unkind, you are being abusive. And abuse is never the answer. You don’t have to always be right because being right is not the secret to a successful relationship, picking your battles is. So, when you feel like talking back, being passive aggressive or giving your partner the silent treatment, ask yourself whether you are choosing your ego or your partner.
3. Being Disrespectful
Honestly, no relationship on earth can survive if two people do not respect each other. Respect is everything because you can only love someone so much, but if you don’t respect them, your love to them eventually falls through. To respect someone is to be proud of who they are and to be proud to have them because you realize how special they are and how luck you are in return. To respect your partner means to be grateful for them and how they make your life better just by being in it. Respecting your partner means treating them the way they deserve to be treated. When you disrespect them, you create an invisible wall between you, keeping them at a distance. I mean, would you wan to go to bed to someone who doesn’t respect you? Someone who doesn’t see your worth? Someone who has taken you for granted?
2. Your Partners Go Above And Beyond But You Never Notice
You need to give your partner credit for all of the things they do for you. To disregard the efforts they make every day just to draw a smile on your face, is to set your relationship up for failure. Because eventually, your partner will get tired and will become resentful. Never forget to show them how much you appreciate them and how grateful you are that they are the one you get to call your best friend. Don’t go a day without going out of your way to show them that you value them and what they mean to you. Don’t assume that saying thank you is good enough because sometimes it is not. Don’t let your partner feel like you are using them or that they are filling a void in you. Instead, let them see the difference they make. Like how they make your life easier, more enjoyable and happier in general.
1. It’s All About You, You, You
Being selfish is like the downfall of any relationship because it means that you choose yourself over your partner and the connection you have. To be selfish is to disregard the existence of your partner. Have a balance in your relationship where sometimes you do what is best for them and other times you do what is best for you. Relationships are about team work nor individual work alone. Sometimes, you will find that you will put your needs ahead of your partner’s and that’s okay within reasonable situations. But, to put your partner in uncomfortable situations just to make yourself feel at ease is wrong. Just like it is wrong to make them feel worse so you can feel better. In a relationship, you care for your partner like you care for yourself. And their problems, pain, happiness and success become of your own because that’s the joy of being in a relationship is that you get to share the good and the bad, and you will never be alone.
Source: The Talko