Oh love… sometimes, no matter how much experience we got, we still have no idea how it works. This is the exact reason why we all end up in pain. But there’s nothing wrong with that. Failed relationships and a broken heart are both parts of life. No matter how smart you are, you really cannot run away from those two. However, you can lessen the chances of feeling pain because of a naïve decision you made by being familiar with the most common things about love. Remember, there’s a fine line between loving stupidly and loving maturely. You would want to do the latter because, well, you’re getting old, lady. You need to do the adult, more mature version of love, not the hooking up and stalking on social media kind of love. Here are 15 things about love that you should know by now. And by love, we mean adulthood love.
15. There’s A Version Of It Called FAKE
Fake love is real, people. Don’t ever think that it’s just in the movies. What’s in the movies is the perfect man who will save you from all your woes. That is the movies-only version of love. In real life, it’s best that you quickly accept the fact that fake love exists. And if you haven’t experienced it yet (or if you’re in denial or something) allow us to paint a picture for you: the fake version of love is when your man is telling you he loves you but you don’t feel it, or you still have to work hard on convincing yourself that he does love you. It is when you’re in a relationship but your pals don’t even believe it. Yes, the opinion of your friends matters more than you think. And of course, fake love is when the man is only there when he needs something. That is definitely FAKE.
14. You Don’t Always Feel It Immediately
Sometimes, we fall in love in a split-second (again, this happens IRL but it’s not all the time). And then there are other instances when the man has been part of your life for so long already but you didn’t really realize you love him, at least, not until recently. He may be your best friend or your friends with benefits or just a normal friend. He may be a colleague or your sister’s friend who she always brings to family occasions. The list can go on… but yes, sometimes, love doesn’t come when we expect it. Sometimes, it knocks on our front door in the form of a person who has been part of our lives for a really long time already. If you want to know why, well, that’s because love is crazy tricky. The best way to go with this is to stop fighting love.
13. Also, You Don’t Always Feel It At All
Hey, just because we said ‘love’ doesn’t mean you have to exactly feel it. Sometimes, you just see it but don’t actually feel it. Confusing? Again, love is tricky like that. Woman, there will be moments in your life where someone will love you, or someone will show you how much they love you without exactly saying the words. The important thing here is you acknowledge it. You let that person know that you do see what he’s doing, but you just don’t feel it. It’s difficult to explain but there are some people who just don’t appeal to you. Life is vast and you will meet the kind of human being who is amazing but only as a friend. And no matter what they do, you just can’t feel their love for you. But you do see their efforts. At least, thank them for their efforts. And tell them friendship is the best thing you can offer.
12. Loving Someone Is Different From Wanting To Change Them
One of the most common misconceptions about love is that people think when you love someone, it also means you get the permission to change them. First off, there’s no such thing as changing a person. You can inspire him to change, encourage him, and push him when he doesn’t feel like going forward, but that’s about it. You really cannot change him. Nobody can change a person but that very person himself. So when you meet someone who is amazing but you’re unsure of having a relationship with him is a good idea because he also has negative attitudes you can clearly see, and yet you still decide to go with it, don’t think you can change him. Don’t plan to change him at all. You will just ruin your relationship with this person and you will just hurt yourself. Love him and his flaws, girl. That’s how love works.
11. Betrayal Is Real And It Does Hurt
Betrayal is a pain in the you know what. There is no denying that and we think everybody can agree to that. In every betrayal, there is a lesson to be learned, and it would be great to learn those things. Not everybody gets the chance to learn stuff about love… but the thing is, it really just hurts. And in case you’re wondering what are the lessons to be learned here, well, there are lots. But topping the list are (1) love yourself more even when you’re in a relationship and (2) don’t be too dumb. Seriously, there are signs when your partner is cheating on you or when he is betraying you in some other way. When you notice those signs, don’t play blind. Don’t be too dumb to shrug it off. The signs are there and they’re there to help lessen the pain. That is if you pay attention.
10. It’s Okay To Love Someone Who Doesn’t Love You Back
From the beginning of time, we were taught about the beauty of give and take. Our parents spent long hours teaching us why and how we should give and take, why we shouldn’t just take and take and why giving too much is not okay. And really, it’s all good, until we get introduced to this thing called love. Woman, it’s wise to understand that sometimes, love doesn’t follow the give and take process. Sometimes, you just find yourself loving someone so much you think he’s the one. You think he’s your soulmate until you realize he just doesn’t love you back. It sucks and it hurts like hell, we know. But instead of wondering why you keep on loving people who don’t love you back, understand that sometimes, that’s how it works. You meet someone who is so amazing and all but unfortunately, he just can’t love you the way you love him.
9. It’s Also Okay To Not Be Able To Love Someone Who Loves You
Consequently, there will be moments in life where you will meet someone who loves you dearly. Sometimes you even feel like maybe you’re falling for him too until you realize that it’s nothing but infatuation. Seriously, this happens, woman… more often than we hope, because life works like that. So don’t feel guilty if you meet that person who loves you so but you can’t love them back. We’re sure he understands. Or rather, he will understand soon. Keep in mind that it’s totally okay to be friends with someone who loves you more than a friend. It’s also okay to take a few steps back from him if you think things are getting complicated. You have to think about yourself too, you know. If you think his love for you is not doing you any good or is confusing the hell out of you, feel free to take a few steps back. Thank him for the love and then distance yourself. Stop kicking yourself for not being able to reciprocate.
8. There’s Nothing Like Your First Love
As much as we want to think this is wrong, it’s not. Girl, there sure is nothing like your first love. It’s messy and full of innocence and at the same time, it is so genuine that when it ended, you thought your world was over. You thought that’s the end of your love-life. Until you fell in love again. Now don’t get us wrong, you do deserve all the chances in the world to love someone else. However, stop wondering when you will feel that feeling you felt during the first time because, well, there’s nothing like the first time. You were excited and scared and clueless back then. This time around, you’re aware of the many things that can happen. So yeah, in more ways than one, there is nothing like the first love. And no, it’s not just the intimate parts. More than that, it’s the love and the bond. It’s everything that that first experience taught you.
7. Breakups Don’t Always Have To Be Painful And Ugly
Society has shown us countless of breakup scenarios, and if you spent your childhood with your eyes glued to the TV, you would know that all breakups are painful. By now, you are certain that there is no relationship that will end pretty. But woman, not everything you see on TV is real, and among the unreal things are the breakups. Believe it or not, breakups can be pretty. Well, of course not as pretty as falling in love but, they don’t always have to have you crying yourself to sleep or drinking and partying like there’s no tomorrow. You can break up with someone and remain friends with him. You can break up with someone and stay civil with one another. Heck! You can break up with someone and decide you two should just be best friends!
6. Love Is So Much More Than Intimacy
Of course it is! Keep in mind, life is full of surprises, and there is no relationship where couples don’t surprise one another, but that doesn’t mean all surprises should happen in bed. Yeah, we get it. It’s fun and all but it’s not the bread and butter of your relationship. Relationships are all about growing together. It’s about being with someone who will love you so much he will learn to accept everything about you, even the bad stuff. So the next time you get into a relationship with someone because you think he will be good in bed or because he has “the looks,” think again. This man may have the looks but what if he doesn’t have the attitude? See what we mean? The thing about love is that it is so vast. Don’t think because someone is good in bed he will be good in everything else. That’s not how it works.
5. Making Mistakes Along The Way Is Totally Fine
Another one of the most common mistakes people do when it comes to love and being in a relationship is that they dream of a perfect man. We get it, it’s annoying when your man makes a stupid mistake. It’s irritating when he makes mistake after mistake and you have to clean up after everything. However, there is no point spending so many years staying single, saying no to the great men that come along your way, because you’re hoping for someone who is perfect. You’re praying for someone who won’t make mistakes. Why, have you never made any stupid mistake all your life? Is every single step you’ve done the right step? Chances are, you screwed up big time too! And there will always be instances in life where you won’t have any idea what to do – it can be about your personal life, about work, about your girl tribe or family or your relationship. Mistakes happen, we do it all the time… you’ll be fine, girl.
4. You Can Be Single And Happy
Most girls think that when they’re single, they’re in the most miserable part of their life. Totally untrue. Not to mention total crap too. If your friends are pressuring you to find a man or to hook up and they know you’re not really comfortable with the idea, chances are these are not your real friends. If they judge you for taking your time in life and for not wanting to be in a relationship, they’re probably not your real friends either. Woman, know that being single and happy is super possible. There are so many things you can do on your own. And being single just means you can explore this world and allow yourself to grow. That is fun! And even when you think otherwise, it’s a happy feeling.
3. You Can’t Really Know How Much You Can Love Until You Do
Don’t underestimate yourself, woman. If you think you don’t deserve this man, or if you think you can’t be with him because he’s so awesome with all his awesomeness and you can’t love all of it, think again. Even when you think you can’t, even when you think it’s impossible, know that you’re capable of so much more. We all keep on surprising ourselves, woman, even when we don’t notice it. Sometimes, it just takes a good push for you to jump off that cliff and allow yourself to really fall for the man. And then, midway the fall, you would realize how much love you’re capable to give. You’d realize you’re so much more patient and generous than you originally thought. Allow love to teach you and to help you discover more about yourself. And the next thing you know, being innocent about it is a thing of the past.
2. Yes, You Can Stay Friends With Your Ex
People say when he becomes your ex, that’s all he will be for the rest of your life. So untrue. You can be friends with your ex… if he’s a good ex. If he doesn’t bug you anymore. If he doesn’t keep on playing the game. And of course, you don’t do any of those things as well. While some breakups are ugly, that doesn’t mean it’s going to be the end of your relationship with this man. It simply means that at this point, it’s not a pretty scene. In the future, when you two grow a little more and maturity starts working, you two will realize that you’re not terrible people. And while that’s not going to bring back the already dead relationship, at least you can be friends if you choose to. Always remember that love is always, ALWAYS unpredictable. You can love an ex as a friend and he can reciprocate.
1. Falling For The Wrong Person Is Real
Okay, this just hurts. Aside from the fact that it’s possible for you to love someone who can’t or who doesn’t love you back, and that there will be that someone who will keep on loving you despite the fact that you don’t see him more than anything as a friend, it’s also a fact that you can fall for the wrong person. Even when your friends are telling you he’s no good, even when your family doesn’t approve of him, and even when your guts are telling you to run the other way, love is so stubborn. Chances are, you will end up falling for this guy, loving him with all your heart… you will only realize you made the wrong decision when you’re already hurting. But worry not, it doesn’t mean you’re stupid… it just means you let your guard down for the wrong person. Move on and stop hating yourself. Learn your lesson.
Source: The Talko