In every relationship, there’s always fear about the future. Will we be together forever? What will be this relationship’s demise? How can I prevent a breakup? After much relationship research, Dr. John Gottman has done it! He’s identified the four specific behaviors, dubbed the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse,” that will inevitably destroy your relationship. Here they are.
Dr. John M. Gottman is a psychology professor who is known for his work with relationships. He’s a pro at analyzing romances, and he totally knows what keeps them in tact and stable. In fact, in one study he predicted with 93.6 percent accuracy whether particular couples would divorce within a few years.
Dr. Gottman has done some pretty important research throughout the years, and has made some significant discoveries, all in the name of love (and staying in love).
Through his research, he discovered the four major communication issues that will destroy a relationship, which he has appropriately dubbed the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.”
Who likes to be criticized? No one, that’s who. If you’re constantly criticizing your partner, they will not be too keen to stick around.
Criticism is a way of putting your partner down; it makes them feel not so loved. Criticism is characterized by phrases like, “you always” and “you never,” and it can make anyone feel less than significant.
Defensiveness is criticism’s ugly counterpart. When you are defensive, you are only creating negative communication.
Defensiveness is characterized by cross-complaining, whining and overall immaturity. Don’t get defensive—it gets you nowhere fast.
Contempt is the most dangerous of all the “horsemen,” seriously. Contempt is simply disregard for your partner, or a feeling of superiority to them. This is obviously no way for a healthy relationship to operate.
Don’t make your partner feel horrible about themself! Contempt is characterized by constant insults, hostile humor and mockery, and it’s definitely not a good look.
Stonewalling is a huge problem in relationships. It happens when one partner mentally withdraws from the relationship in order to avoid conflict. This doesn’t help; it actually makes things worse.
Stonewalling is characterized by silence and subject changes during arguments. It tends to make everything way worse.
So, what to do? Does your relationship possess any of these catabolic characteristics? Don’t worry! There are ways to remedy the situation.
Practice good communication. Ditch the silent treatments and smug attitudes. Always be honest when communicating with your partner, and be sure to listen intently.
Stop taking it personally. If your partner is voicing their concern or opinion, don’t take it so personally. Don’t get defensive, and focus on the problem(s) at hand.
Don’t criticize. Nobody’s perfect, and neither is your significant other. Lighten up, and stop being so critical of everything they do.
Source: Rebel Circus