Sometimes you find a product so good, so pure, that you feel like it could only exist in your wildest dreams or as a joke between you and a friend. Like a jar of peanut butter that can make you the happiest person or dry shampoo for your entire life — things you hope for, but know would be too powerful to ever be real. I think that a baguette body pillow would fit the same bill and yet — and yet — it’s real. That’s right, for only $11.50 on Amazon you can get a baguette pillow to be your best friend, your one companion, your lover, your sister — whatever, I’m not going to judge.
I say baguette body pillow, it’s actually called “Funny 3D Simulation Bread Shape Pillow Soft Lumbar Back Cushion Plush Stuffed Toy for Home Decor” but I think we can go with baguette body pillow for short. It comes in three sizes, from 11.8 inches to 31.5 inches and it looks ready to make your Saturday nights and lazy Sunday mornings in so much better. Hell, break it our every night of the week and improve your life around 240 percent, according to my calculations.
There were a lot of reviews that mentioned it was a little smaller than anticipated but that they still loved the product. Though one particular review was basically a gripping short story that deserves to be shared, as it can pretty much tell you anything and everything you’d want to know about this delicious, carb-y pillow: “Got this for my wife. She loves it. She laughed at it. Is it as big as the picture? Nope. Is it close? Yup. Is it comfortable? You bet bottom dollar it is. Heats up just like a fresh loaf of bread out of the oven if you sleep hot. Does it smell like bread? Only if you think about it really hard while in the bread isle [sic] of your local grocery store.” What a wild ride. Could you possibly have any more questions? I don’t think so.
If the baguette isn’t your style, there are plenty of other body pillow options out there — may of them designed specifically for side sleepers who may be looking for a little extra support. While you can always go for a classy, neutral option I have to say that the more fun designs — like a burrito body pillow or a Captain Morgan body pillow which definitely doesn’t scream drinking problem — are the ones that always catch my eye. Whether you like the idea of curling up with something or you actually need the extra support to keep your body happy, there are lots of body pillow options ranging from the super creepy to the not creepy at all. That’s the only scale I know how to measure body pillows on.
If your love of carbs in borderline obsessive and you’ve always dreamed about a bagel turned sentient that you could marry and start a life with, then this body pillow is one step closer to making that dream a reality. A baguette is already carb royalty, so why not make it even closer to your heart? You’ll never be lonely — or hungry — again.