Ugh, Valentine’s Day. Have you already started googling things like: “How to get a Libra to fall in love with you” or “How to spice up your sex life”? Chances are, you’ve been feeling the pressure of this holiday for a while now, because every store starts going wild with Valentine’s Day merchandise as soon as January hits. Can’t we get a break already? If you’re dreading Feb. 14, you’re definitely not alone because what each zodiac sign hates most about Valentine’s Day will feel so relatable.
Honestly, who thought it was a good idea to center a holiday around being in love? Let’s be real: How many of us are lucky enough to actually be in love? For everyone else, this holiday is a blatant reminder of how single they are. And hey, they may have been totally fine with being single! But when they’re constantly being bombarded by Valentine’s Day advertisements and sickeningly happy couples, it’s totally normal to start questioning themselves. Let’s all re-name Feb. 14: “Question Your Happiness Day,” because wouldn’t that be so much more appropriate? Anyway, if you’re in the mood to be reminded of all the reasons why Valentine’s Day sucks, you’ve come to the right place.
ARIES: YOU FEEL COMPETITIVE AGAINST OTHER COUPLES
Some couples get so intense about Valentine’s Day that it makes everyone else look bad. You’re so not in the mood to be outdone, so this holiday just really makes you irrationally want to get the biggest teddy bear and the most ridiculous bouquet of roses.
TAURUS: NOTHING TASTES AS GOOD AS IT LOOKS
You’re being inundated with Valentine’s Day candies and desserts. It seems like there are candied hearts, boxes of chocolate, and pink sugar cookies wherever you turn. The problem? None of it tastes anywhere near as good as it looks and you want your money back.
GEMINI: YOU FEEL PRESSURED INTO ALL THE ROMANCE
Look, it’s not that you’re not romantic or capable of love. It’s just that Valentine’s Day is so corny and unoriginal that it makes you cringe. All the pressure to do “couple things” just makes you want to head for the hills because all of it’s giving you so much anxiety.
CANCER: IT REMINDS YOU OF ALL YOUR PAST HEARTBREAK
You’re just being reminded of every single Valentine’s Day that went wrong. You remember that time your crush Billy asked your best friend to be his Valentine instead of you. You recall the time that your ex forgot to get you anything. Ugh, can the bad memories just stop?
LEO: IT MAKES EVERYONE FEEL INADEQUATE AND ALONE
You love being adored, and when Valentine’s Day is all about reveling in how adored you are, you start acting a bit out of control. You question how much everyone loves you and expect the most over-the-top romantic gestures because otherwise, you might start crying.
VIRGO: SO MUCH MONEY IS SPENT ON POINTLESS THINGS
While everyone else is swooning for how cute these Valentine’s Day gifts are, you can’t help but notice how cheaply made and silly everything is. Oh, and let’s not forget how expensive it all is. You might even be feeling grateful if you’re single so you can save your money.
LIBRA: EVERY OTHER COUPLE JUST LOOKS WAY TOO HAPPY
Can all these happy couples just go away already? There should be a law that happy couples need to stay indoors on Valentine’s Day because watching them be so in love is hurting your feelings and you’re this close to hiring a lawyer and suing them for emotional damages.
SCORPIO: IT MAKES YOU WANT TO FALL IN LOVE ASAP
All this romantic talk makes you so revved up to jump into a relationship immediately. You start going wild on dating apps, asking your friend to hook you up with their coworker, and working overtime on love. When Feb. 15 comes around, you’re met with the consequences.
SAGITTARIUS: THE WAY IT GETS YOUR HOPES UP TOO HIGH
You can’t help but be fooled into thinking that some big, amazing thing is supposed to happen to you on Valentine’s Day. Is a secret admirer going to pop up out of nowhere? Is your ex going to call and beg for you back? When nothing ends up happening, you feel like a total fool.
CAPRICORN: EVERYTHING IS WAY TOO SENTIMENTAL AND TIME-CONSUMING
Whether you’re in a relationship or not, this holiday makes you feel so pressed for time and overwhelmed. You’re a traditionalist at heart, so you will participate in it, but you do so with resentment because you know you’ve got much more important things to worry about.
AQUARIUS: THE CONSUMERISM IS WAY OVER THE TOP
Can these companies just give it a rest already? You feel like they’re taking advantage of people’s vulnerabilities with all these sales tactics. What is everyone supposed to do with a giant stuffed teddy bear once V-Day is over? I mean, that bear is actually kind of creepy.
PISCES: YOU ALWAYS FALL FOR THAT VALENTINE’S DAY CRAP
When Valentine’s Day is coming up, you probably avoid it like the plague because you know what a sucker you are. As soon as romance is in the air, you start falling for it, and you know you’re being fooled into some nonsense but you just can’t help it. Another love letter anyone?