The toughest thing when starting to date someone is figuring out how invested in the relationship they are. Having a direct conversation about the topic of exclusivity can be awkward in the first few weeks or months of dating. No one wants to come across like they’re rushing things or not happy with how things are progressing, especially if they’re unsure of the other person’s feelings.
It goes without saying that there are signs to look for to tell whether the other person is interested in something long-term or if they just love the chase. If he’s got commitment on the mind, then his leading lady will be able to tell through signs, like how he behaves or talks to her, how often he tries to make plans, and how much he introduces her to his world. The same can be said about a guy who’s just looking for a fling. Acting disinterested, always having plans in the evening, or refusing to talk about the future are signs the guy isn’t here to stay.
This list features 10 sure-fire signs that he’s just looking for a fling, and 10 signs that he’s ready to commit. Remember, if there are any doubts or concerns, it’s better to just ask one’s SO directly. Even if his answer is disappointing, it’ll prevent things from carrying out any longer, which will just be more hurtful in the long run.
Loves The Chase: He Avoids Having Serious Discussions
Even if a relationship is new, partners need to have certain discussions to lay the ground rules of their relationship. Things you need to discuss can include exclusivity, boundaries, and even coordinating things like when you’re both okay to have sleepovers.
If a guy is avoiding having these sorts of conversations with you, then it’s likely he doesn’t want to take things to the next level. He’s enjoying keeping things casual and doesn’t want to ruin them by discovering you’re not on the same page. It’s better to get things out in the open before things continue and you end up getting even more hurt.
He’s Committed: All His Friends Know About Her
One way to tell if a guy wants a future with you is to observe how much his friends and family know about you. A sign of commitment is if he hasn’t been afraid to tell those close to him that he’s been seeing someone special.
Don’t take it as necessarily a bad sign if you haven’t met his friends in person yet. There can be circumstances preventing that, like conflicting schedules or distance.
Honestly, it’s an even stronger sign if you haven’t met his friends yet they know all about you. It means your man wants his pals to know he’s met a special someone, which means he’s hoping you stick around for the long run.
Loves The Chase: He’s Only Interested In Staying Home
Although things are usually the most passionate at the beginning of a relationship, it’s not the best sign if your man only wants to do things behind closed doors.
If he’s resistant to do other things that involve going out into the world, like grabbing food or seeing a movie, then it might mean he sees things as more casual rather than long-term. A guy will invest his time if he’s committed to the relationship. But he’ll only come around at night if he sees things as being casual.
If you think this is a problem in your relationship, ask your partner directly. You don’t want to be strung along if a casual fling isn’t what you want!
He’s Committed: He Gets Raw About His Feelings
For the most part, men tend to be reserved when it comes to showing emotion. He’s not going to be raw with just anyone. So, if the guy you’re seeing hasn’t been afraid to open up about his feelings and get vulnerable, then take it as a sign he’s in it for the long haul.
This doesn’t mean he necessarily has to open up about his feelings towards you. If he’s been candid about anything, from personal struggles to issues from childhood, then it means he trusts you and sees you as someone he can depend on. In other words, he doesn’t want you to go anywhere.
Loves The Chase: He Talks About Other Girls
It’s a huge warning sign if your man talks about other women, especially around you. It’s one thing to have a serious discussion about each other’s past relationships and to get more vulnerable about your dating history with your new SO.
But it’s an entirely different thing if he’s mentioning other women he’s dated just for the sake of it. While this could be a sign he’s simply insecure and wants to let you know he’s an appealing commodity, it could also be a sign he’s continuing to date other girls at the same time as you.
If this has become a problem for the two of you, then it’s time to have a talk about exclusivity. If you’re not on the same page about what you want in a relationship, then he’s not the guy for you.
He’s Committed: He Talks To Her Regularly
A good sign that a guy is into you is if he talks to you regularly. If you guys are in the beginning stages of talking, it’s a huge hint when the guy is messaging you every day, especially if it’s just to ask how your day went.
It demonstrates that not only is he ready to put in the effort to make a relationship work, but he’s genuinely interested in knowing how you’re doing and getting to know you more. A guy isn’t going to bother asking how you are and texting you at all hours of the day if he considers you guys only a fling.
Loves The Chase: He’s Protective Of His Phone
They say that a person’s phone can reveal almost everything about them, including if they’re interested in any other people.
Chances are if your man is protective of his phone, it means there’s something there he doesn’t want you to see. Perhaps it’s a flirty message from another girl or the selfies of his ex that he still hasn’t deleted. Keep an eye out to see if he’s always leaving the room with his phone, placing it in his pocket, or turning it face down on the table.
With that being said, make sure you’re not reading into things. Don’t go snooping around his phone just because you’re suspicious. Rather, ask him directly if you think he has something to hide.
He’s Committed: He Isn’t Afraid To Spend Money On Her
If a guy sees you as long-term material, then he’s not going to be afraid to invest his money in you. Granted, not every guy can afford romantic dinners or lavish presents and many millennials prefer splitting dates 50-50 nowadays.
But at the very least, he should be making some sort of effort to treat you when you hang out, whether it’s simply offering to cover the tab or bringing you flowers.
It’s a bad sign if the guy if cheaping out early. This likely means he doesn’t see your relationship going far into the future. Why would he want to spend money on something he’s not committed to? Even worse, he might be saving his money because he’s a serial dater on the loose.
Loves The Chase: She’s Heard Things About Him
Now, we’re not telling you to rely on gossip or rumours. Some people earn a reputation when there’s barely anything factual about what’s being said about them. However, we do suggest treading with caution if you’ve heard some not-so-nice things about the guy you’re getting involved with.
It’s not a good sign if people tell you he has a reputation for being a player – it likely means he’s dated girls in or around your social circle. Heed any warnings with caution even more if they’re coming from his or your friends. Don’t be afraid to confront the person you’re seeing if you’ve heard they’re playing the field to get a sense of what they want out of your relationship.
He’s Committed: He Leaves Stuff At Her Place
This is a pretty obvious sign that a guy plans on coming back around. If you notice that your new man is leaving things around your place, whether it be a toothbrush, extra clothes, or his favourite snacks, then he’s in it for the long haul.
No guy is going to bring things to a girl’s place if he doesn’t think he’s coming back. Believe us, it would be awkward to ask your casual hook-up for your socks after you’ve already come and gone.
So, if he’s leaving his stuff, it’s because he’s become more comfortable and is beginning to feel like your place is his and vice versa.
Loves The Chase: He Doesn’t Want To Meet Her Friends
A guy who’s really interested in you is going to want to know all about you: your hobbies, your dreams, and of course, your friends.
A guy is going to stick around if he’s already met your closest pals or at the very least expressed interest in wanting to meet them. It’s even better if he’s already met them and has gained their approval.
On the other hand, if your man seems like he’s avoiding meeting your besties, then it’s likely because he doesn’t see things as long-term. Why would he want to face the people who will eventually console you after he disappoints you?
He’s Committed: Puts Effort Into Date Nights
Things are most exciting when you first begin dating someone new. You’re both more likely to put effort into where you go and what you wear on your date nights. So, if your guy is pulling out all the tricks to impress you during your time together, then it’s a sign he’s really into you.
Think of it this way. People put more effort into things that they really want. If a man is going all out during dates (whether he buys you flowers, offers to pay for the food, or picks you up), it means he wants to impress you and treat you right. He’s committed.
But if you feel like he isn’t giving it his all, then it’s likely because he doesn’t see this as something he wants to hold onto for long.
Loves The Chase: He Posts A Lot Of Pics With Girls
A good way to tell if a man is a player is to take a look at his social media feeds. If he’s constantly posting photos with other girls (who aren’t his relatives or close friends), then it’s not a good sign.
It means he wants his followers to know he’s available and wanted. He enjoys female attention and is good at getting it.
To be fair, if these sorts of photos were posted before he met you, then there’s a very good chance the past is in the past. But if he continues posting photos with lots of girls while you two are seeing each other, then it might be a sign he’s still playing the field.
He’s Committed: He’s Seen Her At Her Lowest Point (And Stayed)
It might take a few months or even a few years before your partner sees you at your “lowest point.” But when you’re in a relationship with someone, that point will definitely come. And it can make or break things.
If you’ve gone through this with your guy and he’s only been supportive, then you definitely have a keeper. Not only is it a sign that he deeply cares for you, but it’s also a sign that you can trust him enough to be so vulnerable.
However, if you go through a difficult time and he becomes more distant or is unsupportive, then it could be a sign that he’s not as committed to the relationship as you deserve him to be.
Loves The Chase: He’s Never Free After 10 p.m.
If a guy is really interested in you, he’s going to go out of his way to make time to see you (as well as to make sure it’s special). And if there’s a time when he’s not available, he should tell you what he’s got going on, whether he’s out with friends, working, or studying.
On the other hand, it is bad if your love interest never seems to be free during the evenings – that is, unless he asks you out. Perhaps you’ve tried to make plans several times but he’s said no without giving you a reason. Or worse, maybe he’s cancelled plans with you last minute and you’re not buying that “I’m sick” excuse.
The point to be made is that if he’s avoiding seeing you at certain times, it could be because he’s seeing someone else on the side (or reserving that time for potential dates). Ask him if you’re exclusive or not if you have this problem.
He’s Committed: He Sends ‘Good Morning’ Texts
It doesn’t have to be a ‘good morning’ text. It could be as simple as a direct message or as elaborate as showing up to your place with Starbucks.
The one thing all these things have in common is that they show you’re the first thing on his mind in the morning – and he wants you to know it.
A guy who has commitment on the brain is thinking about you from the beginning of his day to the end of it. He wants an excuse to talk to you or see you, thus why you’ll likely hear from him in the mornings.
Loves The Chase: He Never Spends The Night
Like we’ve said, a guy who is head-over-heels for you will find every excuse to spend more time with you. So, you can definitely count on him spending the night and cuddling.
However, a strong sign that a guy is a player is if he doesn’t spend the night. He might make an excuse to head out and avoid cuddling. Why? It’s likely because he doesn’t want you getting too attached to the idea of you two being exclusive since he knows it’s just a casual thing for him. Make sure you’re okay with that if you want things to proceed.
He’s Committed: He Says How He Feels About Her
It’s no secret that guys can be pretty reserved when it comes to expressing emotions, let alone talking out loud about them. This means you can trust it’s real when a guy opens up about his feelings for you.
If your man is constantly telling you how amazing he thinks you are and how happy he is hanging out with you, then he’s definitely not going anywhere. But, if he’s reluctant to tell you how special you are to him, then it’s likely because he’s not looking to settle down at this point.
Remember, this should run deeper than him telling you how attractive he thinks you are (although that’s important!). If he’s telling you how much he’s falling for you, then it means he’s ready for a full-blown relationship.
Loves The Chase: He Refuses To Do PDA
Public Displays of Affection (aka PDA) are pretty normal for any new relationship. It’s just the phase where you can’t keep your hands off each other.
But if he avoids any and all PDA, then it’s likely because he doesn’t want people to think he’s off the market. Observe his body language and go with your gut instinct. No, it’s not normal for a guy to refuse to hold your hand in public if he’s genuinely into you.
A guy is definitely into you if he doesn’t hold back his feelings in public. Just remember, not everyone is as comfortable with PDA. Your man could be okay with holding hands in public, but no tonsil hockey. It’s healthy to have a conversation about what you guys are and aren’t comfortable with in public.
He’s Committed: He Won’t Pressure Her Into Anything
If a guy sees things as casual, then he might not be against putting on the pressure to get his way if he knows he’s going to be moving on soon. And that’s not cool.
However, a guy who’s genuinely there for the long run isn’t going to feel the need to rush into anything if you don’t want to. He’d rather wait and get things right instead of screw up the good thing he has going. Good things come to those who wait, right?
But more than that, he won’t pressure you into anything because he cares about you and is the last person who wants to mistreat you. If you don’t think your guy thinks this way, then he’s not the person for you.