Is it an indication of withering romance or a sign of a comfortable, if stale, relationship?
Is the love fading from your relationship? Are the butterflies in your stomach calming down? Is your significant other kissing you less and less often or, worse, are they only kissing you at socially expected times like when you come home from work or before you leave the house? What happens between couples who don’t spend enough time locking lips?
Interestingly, there’s an entire science dedicated to the study of kissing. Philematology is the scientific study of kissing; more specifically, it is the study of what different kinds of kisses mean in relation to specific cultures. Kissing is an acceptable form of showing appreciation, romance, family ties, friendship, and much more, but what happens when the kissing slows down or even stops? What does it mean when the person who has been so romantically infatuated with you for so long suddenly stops kissing you when you meet up, or isn’t offering to lock lips with you as often as they used to? Is it an indication of withering romance or a sign of a comfortable, if stale, relationship? Philematology is here to answer all your questions and more! Here are fifteen things that can happen when a couple doesn’t kiss enough:
15 – Less Kissing Leads To No Kissing
Intimacy is an important part of any relationship. When you love someone, your natural instinct is to profess your feelings verbally and physically. It’s always a big deal when one person starts offering fewer kisses. It can mean anything from the other person being stressed to a sign that the person isn’t in love like they once were. Without realizing it, suddenly both people are offering fewer kisses and they settle into a routine. It’s a simple matter for both people to stop initiating kisses altogether, and all contact comes to a close without either party noticing the distance until it’s too late. Don’t let your relationship turn sour! If you aren’t kissing as often as you used to, take the time to initiate some cuddle time. While you’re in each other’s arms, make sure to pucker up and make the most of your time alone!
14 – Doubt Sets In
When your significant other isn’t kissing you enough, it’s really easy to doubt the relationship. Is your partner offering fewer physical signs of affection because they’re losing interest in you? Are they holding back because they are beginning to grow feelings for someone else? What if they aren’t kissing you as often as they used to because you’ve upset them somehow? The worst part of doubting the relationship is that you start to doubt whether you can be open enough with your SO to ask in a straightforward manner. What if your partner doesn’t tell you why? Worse, what if you muster up the courage to ask and they say, “I don’t know”? Do they really not know or are they just saying that because they want to avoid a confrontation? Don’t let the doubt set in! If your SO isn’t initiating, take the lead and lock lips!
13 – You Think It’s Nothing But…
So your partner isn’t kissing you as often. So what, right? It’s not like you have to kiss all the time to show off your feelings for one another, right? Wrong! Kissing is more than just a sign that you like someone; it’s a natural instinct to reach out and connect with the one person you value above all others. If you shrug off the lack of intimacy as just a normal step in your relationship, you’re basically saying you’re fine with dooming it. You might as well cut all ties and just break up already if you aren’t willing to work a little to keep the romance alive. If you see yourself in this scenario, take the time to offer a smooch here and there. It’ll release endorphins and you’ll both be on cloud nine!
12 – Your Smiles Fade
What happens when you and your significant other aren’t kissing enough? You’re both a lot less happy. People may say you don’t need to be physical to be in love, and that’s absolutely true (hello, look at loving someone from afar or having a secret crush!), but if you’re already in a relationship then you need to keep the good times rolling. As previously stated, kissing releases endorphins, which gives you a small high and solidifies your romantic feelings. If you aren’t kissing enough, the endorphins can’t be released and the good times slow to a crawl. If you want the most out of your relationship, you’ll do whatever it takes to lock lips with your partner. Try to kiss Spiderman-style, make out in the middle of a movie, or just give your partner a gentle kiss out of nowhere. Mission accomplished.
11 – You Get Lonely
It isn’t so bad to have fewer moments when you kiss your partner, but after a while, you start to recognize that you’re still wanting to kiss but your partner doesn’t seem to feel the same way. The worst thing that a relationship can suffer is when one person starts to feel lonely. You can be in the same room, enjoying the same activity, but what’s a relationship without enough physical intimacy? A friendship, that’s what it is. You can be friends with anyone, but that one special person is the sole recipient of your romantic emotions and desires. If you aren’t getting enough kisses from your SO, it won’t be long before you start the hunt for a new partner. Don’t let your relationship fall into ruins. Make sure your SO knows how you feel by smothering them in a little love every now and then!
10 – You Miss The Good Times
You know the relationship is going south when you start reminiscing about the good times, and you know you’re about to hit rock bottom when you realize you’re reminiscing while still dating the person who isn’t kissing you often enough! Don’t be afraid to speak up and let your partner know how their lack of wanting to kiss you has made you feel like the best parts of your relationship have already passed! People don’t get together, enjoy a brief time of joy, then decide to settle for each other! Truly happy couples are full of love for one another, which translates to the fact that they fulfill each other’s needs and wants. If you aren’t getting enough kisses, then your partner isn’t doing their job and something needs to change, so initiate the change and make your needs known!
9 – You Overcompensate
When your needs aren’t being fulfilled, it’s easy to start overthinking things. Silly thoughts start fluttering around your mind and they spur you into action. You start thinking that maybe your significant other isn’t wanting to kiss you because you’re not making them feel loved either. The best way to treat that is to start buying them gifts, making them meals, doing extra chores around the house, and waiting on them hand-and-foot, right? Heck no! That’s too much to do in return for the physical contact your relationship should offer. If you need more kisses, don’t try to jump through hoops and go all out for your partner! It’s as easy as creating the right atmosphere with something as simple as a glance, a small gesture, or bedroom eyes. Whatever you do, just don’t panic.
8 – First The Kisses, Then The Sleepovers
Is it such a surprise that fewer kisses would lead to no kisses, which leads to fewer or no sleepovers? The importance of physical intimacy cannot be stressed enough! When one person loves the other, they make their intentions known by getting handsy. Literally holding hands, offering and receiving kisses, and spending time together are the hallmarks of healthy relationships, so when your relationship starts to get sick, you’re supposed to treat it or you’ll wind up all alone at night, wishing your SO would come over to help keep you warm and happy. Don’t let yourself spend nights alone all because of something as silly as fewer kisses. Put in a tiny bit of work to keep that fire going and everything will turn out alright in the end.
7 – Date Nights Are Canceled
First the kisses start coming in less often, then they stop coming in completely. This triggers a chain reaction which includes fewer, then no sleepovers. If your partner isn’t kissing you as often as you’d like, and if they’re already giving up on sleepovers, then there’s no real reason for them to try to continue date night. Your man used to always take you out every single Friday night, but now you’re alone in your bunny slippers eating ice cream straight from the carton in front of the TV. Your girl used to make you dinner every night and now you’re staring at a sad frozen dinner that didn’t cook properly. Part of keeping the love alive is the willingness and desire to kiss each other, which keeps the rest of your relationship on track. Be careful and don’t let something as small as a few kisses completely derail you!
6 – Suspicion Sets In
So your partner isn’t kissing you as often as you want them to. If they’re not kissing you as often, then they don’t love you as much, and if they don’t love you as much as they used to, then they’re probably looking for someone new. What’s worse than your partner looking for someone new? Suspecting your partner is looking or, God forbid, found someone already. If your significant other isn’t getting their daily dose of kisses from you, does that mean they’re filling their quota with someone else? There’s no way to tell for sure, but it makes sense, doesn’t it? If they don’t want your kisses, then they’re getting kisses from someone prettier, stronger, funnier, or all-around better than you, right? Not necessarily, but that doesn’t keep suspicion from seeping into your mind and heart.
5 – The Bickering Starts
You’re already suspicious, you aren’t getting enough kisses, date nights have been canceled a lot lately, and don’t even mention sleepovers. Now you’re upset and you’ve let your mind go wild, resulting in a barely contained attitude problem and random outbursts of discontent. Maybe you thought the way he always leaves his dishes in the sink was fine, but now you’re making passive-aggressive comments about doing a little cleaning around the place. Maybe you always loved how she’d wear your sweater, but now you’re yelling at her to ask first or buy her own. Fewer kisses mean fewer endorphins which lead to fewer feel-good times, which ultimately leads to bickering. Don’t fight the small stuff, think about what’s bothering you and the real reason why. If your relationship is worth saving, never stop sharing a few romantic kisses.
4 – Suddenly No Intimacy Isn’t Such A Big Deal
When you can’t kiss, suddenly you don’t want to hang out that often anymore. Why hang out if you’re just going to sit around being bored together? After enough time passes, you realize it doesn’t even really matter all that much that you haven’t spent intimate moments together lately. Texting instead of calls, Facebook tags instead of texts, then suddenly you’re not really “together” anymore. What used to be a relationship is actually just a fancy title for your weird little friendship where you don’t bother to dress up for one another or initiate romantic gestures. You don’t bother going out with your partner anymore and you can’t even bring yourself to make plans with them. Don’t let yourself be content with a lack of intimacy. Everyone deserves to receive everything they want from their partner!
3- After A While, You Realize You Aren’t In Love Anymore
When you aren’t getting the kisses you deserve, you start going through the various steps that lead up to the realization that you aren’t in love anymore. When you love someone and are loved by them in return, you make intimate moments like kissing a priority. Once those moments become a thing of the past, so does your relationship. You can’t be in a healthy relationship that goes from kissing often or even moderately to not kissing, cuddling, or spending enough time with one another. The realization that you’re not in love anymore usually hits a while after the kissing grinds to a halt. Don’t let yourself fall out of love based on the lack of physical intimacy. Fight for your relationship and make kissing a priority again.
2 – You Try To Understand What Happened
In the midst of dealing with the lack of intimacy, it’s easy to start thinking wild, irrational thoughts. Maybe you met up for a date and you leaned in for a kiss while your SO turned away or awkwardly kissed you back. How long must this go on before you reach the point where the entire relationship is in shambles and you have nothing left? Pinpointing the exact reason why you two didn’t work out will become an obsession for a while when the reality is all you needed to do was make sure you were helping each other meet their daily kissing quota. The problem, of course, is when one person stops caring as much as the other person. That’s when relationships start to crumble.
1 – You Break Up
Unsurprisingly, couples who aren’t kissing enough are likely failing in other areas of the relationship. If one person isn’t happy with the lack of smooches, it’s almost to be expected that they aren’t being satisfied in other areas of the relationship either. If they were able to communicate properly, the person who needs the kisses most would vocalize their desire and the other person can have a chance to act on those desires. If the relationship were healthy, no one would feel they weren’t getting enough kisses from the other person. After going through the other stages, the ultimate conclusion is one of breaking up and moving on to the next relationship, hoping that will be better than the last. This doesn’t have to be you. Make sure to prioritize kissing in your relationship and spare yourself the heartache of the breakup.