‘Porch Pirate’ Swipes Amazon Box, Gets a Crapload More Than She Bargained For

A Pennsylvania “porch pirate” probably thought she was making off with a hot ticket holiday item from Amazon when she swiped a box from outside of a man’s home, only to find the package contain nothing but cat poop and clumpy litter.

Robert Lynch had a box swiped from outside of his Shamokin home last week. However, the box wasn’t an Amazon order he was expecting, it was a box he was trying to get rid of.

“Whoever it was got cat [poop] for Christmas,” Lynch told Penn Live.

Lynch caught the would-be package thief on security camera footage, showing the woman sliding the box through the porch railing, over to the steps where she grabbed the crap-filled box before scurrying away.

The litter, which was in a plastic bag inside the box, “stinks like the devil,” Lynch said.

The man, who lives with four cats, said he was more irritated by the non-theft, because he has had things stolen from his property in the past, including about $60 in loose change from his car.

“I’m just sick and tired of it,” Lynch said, adding that he called the police. “They sent an officer over and he asked me, ‘How long was the box out there?’ And I told him, I said, ‘Probably about three weeks.’”

The officer then asked Lynch what was in the contents of the box.

“And I told him,” Lynch recalled. “And he laughed and laughed.”

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