Listen, we get it — finding the perfect person can be really tough. For many people, you may have been single for months or even years before they walked into your life. You certainly don’t want to do anything to jeopardize that, right? Well… not quite. It’s true that every relationship necessitates a bit of compromise at times. After all, you’re two people, merging your two separate lives. It’s expected. However, there are certain things that you should never, ever allow your partner to do. At least, not if they want to stick around in your life — you’re a strong woman, you know your worth, and you’re not about to be treated badly by some guy, no matter how dreamy he seems.
So, even if you’re dreading getting back in the dating scene and want to do everything you can to make your relationship work, sometimes, it’s just time to pull the plug. You need to make sure your guy knows that the following things are never, ever acceptable — no matter what.
Here are 15 things a man in love would never do to his girlfriend. You may not be able to control where or how you meet Mr. Right, but you can definitely make sure you don’t get treated poorly by some loser.
15. Ask you to change your body in any way (if you can’t handle these curves, you should find another woman)
Different guys have different types of physique they find physically attractive, and that’s fine. While one guy likes a little more curves on his dream girl, another may prefer the willowy supermodel frame. That’s totally okay — different strokes for different folks and all. However, what’s not okay is if your guy is trying to tell you to change your body to please him. You should want your partner to be healthy, but healthy bodies come in all shapes and sizes — and just because you can’t squeeze into a size zero doesn’t mean you have to change. If your guy is making subtle hints about you needing to go on a diet, you don’t need to lose a pound — you need to lose that boyfriend.
14. Flirt with other women (seriously, if you like her so much, I’m gone)
Everyone has a different personality type, and there definitely are some people who are simply more flirtatious in general. They know how to turn on that charm and that’s just part of who they are. However, there’s a difference between being a little bit flirtatious, and putting the full works on the waitress in the middle of what’s supposed to be a date. No one is saying you need to pull a movie-worthy scene and throw a drink at his face for daring to smile at the bartender, but you’re also not being unreasonable by expecting your partner to keep from drooling over other women when you’re sitting across the table from him. I mean, it’s common courtesy. Flirting in front of someone sends the message that you don’t care about the fact that they’re there, which is not something you should take from a boyfriend.
13. Discourage your dreams (you’re a future #girlboss and he should respect that)
We’re not saying that you need to agree with your partner’s every little dream, and that you’re not allowed to be the voice of reason if you think your partner needs to hear it. You should always feel like you’re able to speak your mind with your partner. However, there’s also a little thing called supporting your partner — and it’s something you should be doing, always. Even if you don’t fully agree with their choice, as long as you make your opinion known, you should still support them to some extent because that’s just what partners do. So if your boyfriend is always responding to you sharing your hopes and aspirations with negativity and a general air of ‘you probably can’t do that,’ kick him to the curb. Stat.
12. Invade your privacy (um, just because you guessed my pass code doesn’t give you the right to look through my phone)
You’ve probably heard this one about a zillion times, but it merits repeating — trust is one of the most crucial parts of any healthy relationship. Sure, it might be physical attraction that initially draws you to your partner, but at the end of the day, if you don’t trust one another, that relationship is going absolutely nowhere. Many couples who have been together for quite a while have a bit of a ‘what’s mine is yours’ attitude, and have no issues with letting their partner check the time on their phone, etc. However, if your partner is snooping and checking out your stuff on the down low, without your permission? That is 100% not okay. It’s not about you hiding anything — it’s about trust, and that’s a pretty clear sign that it doesn’t exist in your relationship.
11. Criticize you in public (you don’t deserve to get embarrassed in front of your friends)
Look, no relationship is 100% conflict free all the time — you’re not dating a robot! There are going to be times in your relationship where you may not agree with a decision your partner is making, or where you feel they’re being out of line in what they’re saying to you. However, the key is that you should keep those disagreements between the people it needs to be between — you and your partner. You can have that conversation in the privacy of your apartment, or away from listening ears. If your partner lets loose and criticizes you like crazy in front of your friends or family, that’s not okay — it’s demeaning and it probably makes you feel like a loser, and you don’t deserve to be made to feel that way, ever.
10. Make you feel like his second choice (if you’re not his queen, what are you even doing?)
Look, we know — this sounds like a bit of a diva thing to say, but trust us, it’s true. While you should certainly never be the only person in your partner’s life, it’s not being unreasonable to expect that you be a priority. Sometimes things will come up, and that’s just life — however, if your partner is always cancelling on date night to hang out with his boys, or basically cancelling on plans he has with you whenever anything better comes along, that is absolutely not okay. You don’t need to be his top priority every single day, but in general, you should feel like an important part of his life and not just second choice all the time. You should be his queen, and if he isn’t treat you like it, well — time to find a new guy.
9. Avoid the tough talks (it’s called being an adult, boo)
Look, no one actually enjoys having tough conversations or talks they know might end in conflict, tears, and just general chaos. Obviously everyone would rather things be sunshine and roses all the time, and everyone always be happy. However, news flash — that isn’t reality. Sometimes, an issue comes up, or there’s something that needs to be discussed, and you need to put your grown up pants on and have that discussion. It may not be the most pleasant thing in the world, but it’s something that needs to happen. So, if your boyfriend is the type to constantly avoid any kind of tough conversation, that’s a bad sign — it sends the clear message that when the going gets tough, he gets going, and that’s not okay. You deserve a stronger man than that.
8. Hide your relationship (um, you are way too good to be someone’s ‘secret’ girlfriend)
Everyone is different in their level of comfort when it comes to PDA — some people will happily hold hands and make out anywhere the mood strikes them, whereas others prefer to keep that sort of thing private. However, one thing you should never put up with is a boyfriend that seems to want to keep your relationship secret — and no, it isn’t just a cheesy sitcom plot, it actually happens. There are a few reasons he may want to keep your relationship secret, and none of them are any good. Perhaps he has another girlfriend and you’re his side piece; perhaps he isn’t serious enough about you to introduce you into his life, etc. Whatever the reason, you deserve a boyfriend who is proud to show you off.
7. Prevent you from having girl time (those mimosas aren’t going to drink themselves)
We get it — especially when you’re in a new relationship and everything is exciting and fresh, it can be easy to ignore everyone else in your life and get caught up in your own little love bubble. However, regardless of what your relationship status is, your friends have been and will always be an important part of your life — so anyone who tries to cut them out of your life needs to be kicked to the curb immediately. If your guy is always shaming you for your girls’ nights, or trying to prevent you from seeing your friends, that’s a huge red flag of a controlling boyfriend. You deserve time to kick back with your ladies and have a few mimosas, or even just hit the town and dance until your feet are killing you. Don’t let any boyfriend get in the way of time with your girls.
6. Compare you to someone else — his ex, his mom, etc. (you’re perfect the way you are)
Look, comparison is always a really, really bad idea. Every person is different — and you need to accept that in any relationship. If your boyfriend is always waxing poetic about how his mother used to prepare home-cooked meals every night and he’s kind of bummed that you’re a take-out queen, or if he talks about how his ex-girlfriend used to love camping whereas you’re more of a hotel girl, and he wishes you’d learn to love the great outdoors like she did…. you need to nip that in the bud ASAP. You don’t deserve to be compared to someone else and made to feel like you’re lacking. That’s never okay behaviour, especially from your boyfriend who is supposed to love you.
5. Dress like an idiot (seriously, help the guy out, he’s just been taking outfits from mannequins)
Look, unless your guy is in the fashion industry or is super into fashion and constantly flipping through inspiration boards and planning his outfits, chances are he’s a regular guy — a little bit clueless when it comes to sartorial solutions. Help the poor guy out. If your boyfriend gets ready to go to an event and he looks like an absolute hot mess, wearing shoes that totally don’t go, a shirt that is two sizes too big, and overall just not bringing his A Game? It’s okay to gently steer him in the right direction, without demolishing his confidence or belittling him. Just make a few suggestions about how much more handsome he’d look in a shirt that fit and a more modern tie, and he’ll probably thank you.
4. Make everything about himself (hello, there are two people in a relationship)
There are two people in every relationship — and that’s a pretty important fact that you don’t want to forget. All relationships include some degree of compromise, but it should never be a one way street. If you find that, a few months into your relationship, you’re only ever eating at the restaurants he likes, you’re only ever doing the activities he likes, and you’re basically just living the life he wants while you make all the sacrifices and give up all the things you love? That’s absolutely not okay. Any boyfriend worth his salt will want to make you happy, so he’ll be willing to compromise and stop by your favourite restaurant for date night, or hit an art gallery instead of a football game because he knows that’s what you’d prefer.
3. Emotionally abuse you (just because it’s not physical doesn’t mean it isn’t unacceptable!)
Emotional abuse can be a lot trickier than physical abuse in relationships, because it’s a lot less clear cut. A lot of women say that they would immediately leave any guy who physically abused them, but emotional abuse can be trickier to spot. It’s not just a situation where your guy gets physical with you all of a sudden. It’s often a slow chipping away of your self-esteem, subtle comments over time that belittle you, little things that are designed to make you feel stupid. You would be surprised at the amount of wonderful, intelligent women that get sucked into bad situations because of how smooth some guys can be at manipulating you. If your boyfriend is emotionally abusing you, you need to leave him, ASAP. You deserve better than that.
2. Physically abuse you or mistreat you (never okay. ever.)
I mean, do we even need to say it? If your boyfriend so much as raises a finger to you, you need to dump his sorry butt and find a better man. Period. There is no situation in which physical abuse is okay. There is no apology that will make it better. If you find yourself in a relationship where your boyfriend starts to physically abuse you or physically mistreat you in any way, you need to get out of there, and soon. The amount of women who have gotten trapped in a vicious cycle is truly startling, and you don’t want to be one of them. No guy is worth putting up with abuse for. Period. Get out of there as soon as you’re able to.
1. Cheat (this is a reason to dump him like, yesterday)
Look, we’re not going to dust off all those tired phrases like ‘once a cheater, always a cheater,’ but here’s the thing — cheating is not okay. Cheaters always have a million excuses for why they cheated and what drove them to it, often even blaming their poor partners, but at the end of the day cheating is selfish, it breaks the trust in a relationship, and it’s an incredibly hurtful thing to do to your partner. If the relationship isn’t working out, that’s fine, but then you should just dump the person — not cheat on them.Many people are divided on this issue, but we’re going to go ahead and say that if your boyfriend cheats on you, you should dump his cheating butt and find a better guy who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Period.
Source: The Talko